Tuesday, April 26, 2011

One more, one less

So we live in Juicy street. It's a large, wide, grimy street, with a gloomy atmosphere that seems to yell, but softly, maybe even maliciously, pre 20th century ambiance with a lemon slice of Gothic flavoring!

People come to Juicy street, not for the joyful atmosphere it lacks, but to see the Circus of Perversions, for which we are famous. Want to see an elephant with a tumour the same size as it's body? What about a Siamese twin slowly digesting his other half? Or maybe just the boy without a bone in his body, careful where you step? The Circus of Perversions is the place for you.

The religious groups try to prevent the Circus and it's goings on, but mostly since so many of the congregation, (and clergy for that matter, though enrobed and wearing thick glasses of ambiguity), come to see the show, the delights, that it never does get closed down.

I do trapeze. We fly through the air without nets. We're not very good and falling is common, but of course, that's the attraction that keeps the wolves coming to watch. I'm thinking of getting into a different line of work. The Spandex does feel nice though.

What's upsetting us in Juicy street though, is a recent rash of murders. Men and children are shot from afar by what seems to be a sniper bloke who's rather a crack shot. One bullet to the brain each time. Simple but perfect. Through a door, a window or a crack within a crack that a mouse would have a hard time getting in. Always cleanly, masterfully done.

Women don't get off so easy though, and this is the part that worries us circus folk. The women get kidnapped, stripped, put in harlequin-like costumes and have their faces painted white in a garish mess across their face, as though done by someone with terrible eyesight but who makes up for it with enthusiasm. They are forced to do strange and unusual things that result in their death. One was twisted about in barbed wire, more and more and more till it cut right through bone and jugular alike. Another was forced to juggle unsheathed blades over and over until blood loss from thousand nicks and cuts proved a mercy.

These killing were, of course, believed to have been done by a previous member of the Circus, and, having had many previous members, some of which left mostly whole, the Circus couldn't exactly say it wasn't at fault. IT did not bode well for job security.

Focus now shifts to a young woman, slim, bobbed black hair and about 20-ish, coming home from a long shift as a waitress and acrobat. (There are actually people out there who enjoy simple acts as well as the more bloody and dark...). She's walking down an alley way when something covers her mouth, so fast and effectively she barely registers it before she passes out.

And so wakes up in a little apartment, full of junk, half eaten food,dead animals and, more alarmingly, various sharp implements that looked none too clean in the blood and gore department. Getting up groggily, still too drugged to realize there should be a healthy dose of panic manifesting, she moves to the small bathroom and in so doing, sees her face in the small grimy mirror in the hall.

Her face is smeared with white paint. She touches it, feeling a stirring of horror. More and more she moves it until it covers her face smoothly. That panic is beginning to make itself felt. Not the most comfortable feeling ever. She barely notices the harlequin outfit on her, not even when the bells chime merrily as she moves..

The outer door opens with a creak and groan like a hopeless dying thing.

In walks a small, viciously scarred, old man. Viciously scarred might actually be an understatement. His face is just a mass of scars that merely suggest at a nose, a mouth and something that might be an eye in cyclops.

The man see's here and rolls his eyes. He talks in a French accent, not harsh and silly like, "How do you like ze potatoes?" but softly, seductively and terribly at odds with his outer shell.

Seems the chloroform was supposed to have kept her out for another hour at least. Oops. He's tut-tutting but seems not too unhappy all in all. He offers her a biscuit that looks like it's seen finer decades. She turns it down, perhaps not too hungry at the moment.

She can see now, off to the left, a huge gun, built up and black, sleek and beautiful, and very, very deadly looking. The guy notices her peeking and, like a proud parent, explains happily how, with this nifty, self-engineered child of his, he can shoot anyone, at all, anywhere on Juicy street and that, well, he pretty much has been doing just that from this towering perk of his. He blushes a bit here, proud but modest, though not expecting praise.

When he looks up, he discovers his intended victim has made a bit of a dash outside the door and bolted for freedom. He watches from his tower room as she flees far down below and heads off wobbly, but surprisingly fast, towards the grimy, thick bricked building that is the police station.

He can see she's looking about in absolute fear. Any moment now he could use that superior weapon on her and mow her down where she stands.
Again he rolls his eyes, the gun is destined for the men and children of this town, it's tastes being selective and finicky. Silly woman.

She's close to the police station now, really she has very good form running down those cobble stones, she should have been an athlete, maybe not long distance though, she does look winded, but she has heart and, he thinks, that's most of the battle already there.
She's made it to the granite stairs and reaches out a hand to open the thick, castle gates of the station entrance.

So he smiles softly and reaches into his pocket pulling out a pretty, delicate device in gold and silver wiring, with a smooth ivory switch nestled within. With quiet reverence he thumbs the switch down and watches as a row of lights, each a different and beautiful colour, light up around the girls waist.

She stops, arm still stretched out and looks down at the glowing belt around her. Emerald, sapphire, ruby, the colours and lovely. She suspects she should have thought of taking it off in her mad scrabble for freedom.
That's the last thing to go through her head, besides a small piece of skull bone, as the belt blows her in half, neatly and yet with enough flare to do an artist proud.

Her body falls to the floor, a bit of a time delay between the bottom half and recently removed top half. Still very gracefully done.

The old scarred man watches approvingly.
He goes out for coffee and a croissant, ignoring the police and screaming and crowds that materialize for just such an even. The sky is a smooth gray, the fog hardly noticeable. It's going to be a lovely day.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Bringing home the bacon

I’m at a sort of summer camp compound. It has women, men and children and is lead by rather an excessive amount of camp leaders we call Dooks, (though I’m not sure why, but it’s short and easy to spell so why complain?) The Dooks decide what we do, when we do it and why we do it when we could be doing something far better.

Unfortunately the Dooks have a serious chasm amongst themselves and this is based on religion.

They’ve grouped off into the Christians vs not Christians. The Christians are mostly a big boarish lot lead by a bigger, most boarish, red haired woman with bad skin and a red neck look that would win prizes if there were ever an awards ceremony that gruesome. She’s named Cora.

Cora is always angry and this is not helped by the fact that recently the majority of Dooks voted out prayers before dinner and no obligatory church on Sundays.
She’s mad. She’s spitting mad! So mad that she gathers a group of like minded Dooks, and, squealing bloody vengeance, takes her followers off!

We don’t see her for days, and then one night, all hell breaks loose!

Cora is back and she’s back with heavy weaponry, grenades and flame throwers! Howling about how we are all Satan spawn, she and her cohorts decent upon us like crazed starved boars at a feeding trough!

It’s merciless, they slaughter everyone they see. So sure we are all evil that they don’t even spare the kids.

I know I’m a woman with short brown hair and a blue skirt and I’m not too keen on the goings on so try run off to hide. As I head to the garages a man running in front of me is gunned down in a real hail of bullets. I trip over him as he goes down! The religious loons can’t see well in the dark as the lights are right in their eyes but this doesn’t buy me much time as they’re still happily firing off at random because they, “ like the perdy noise ma!”

As I try to right myself I find myself staring at the rapidly approaching rear end of a blue pick up truck! I scrabble backwards trying to get away from it! Luckily it hits the body and the driver stops. He gets out to check whats going on and ends up being shot as well. I scurry away like a rat on uppers! I fly through the dark offices until eventually I reach a dead end and hide behind a table.

But I can hear them coming. And I can hear them shooting up people and Cora’s big old hog laugh, because to her this is fun! This is righteous cleansing! I haven’t a hope in the world as she gets closer and closer. I know they won’t spare me and that death is a few tick tock, rapid breaths away. And I’m so damn scared of all of it!

So my brain does a leap.

Suddenly I’m a tall, blonde girl, about 18, with watery eyes and a sappy face, and I am living with Cora and her band. Yes, I am a crazy Christian!

The time is the week or so where Cora was missing from the camp. She and her fellow Dooks as well as some added hang ons, of which I seem to be one, have all grouped together in a small, small shack, that seems tons bigger on the inside then the outside (Like in a Harry Potter novel only you don’t say you’ve read one cause then you’re a Satanist!)

They’re loading up on guns and ammo and are getting ready to cleanse the campsite of all the heathens there in. I’m excited and nervous. It’s wonderful to do gods works but I’ve never had a chance to mass murder before, what if I do something embarrassing?

I don’t have to worry, Cora wants someone at home to watch the franks and beans bubbling on the stove in a huge ginormous pot of what smells like death with a bad case of gas. I’m a bit annoyed to be left at home but secretly rather glad. I’m not sure the whole killing spree thing is my style. I’m also wondering if there are any vegetables at all in this shack? No, not even a cabbage.

Finally the night comes and all of Cora and her folk go out, leaving me with two young boys and various pig products to boil. It’s surprisingly restful.
If I listen hard enough I can hear vague shrieks and explosions in the distance. I figure Daft Nammy is using too many grenades again; he always did like the noise makers.

Next morning Cora returns triumphant and covered in blood and gore! She makes a toast on how they killed ever one of them “Satan loving human look alike demons”. The guys with her all yell and stomp their feet and stink!

She draws me aside with one porky hand on my bony shoulder and points proudly to the men with her. She laughs loudly and says that I am lucky I can have any of these stallions of the lord I want to father my children!
Now these guys might weight the same as a stallion but that’s as close as the metaphor can possibly go without blushing and I’m suddenly wondering if the shot up people didn’t get the better of it!

Oh no! We hear sirens and realize the cops are coming!! Cora lets out a “YEEEEHAAW!!!” and joyfully yells to the coppers about how they will never take us alive!! One of the more repulsive guys turns and gives me a wink with his piggy eyes and suddenly I think that what Cora just said was the best news ever!