Unfortunately the Dooks have a serious chasm amongst themselves and this is based on religion.
They’ve grouped off into the Christians vs not Christians. The Christians are mostly a big boarish lot lead by a bigger, most boarish, red haired woman with bad skin and a red neck look that would win prizes if there were ever an awards ceremony that gruesome. She’s named Cora.
Cora is always angry and this is not helped by the fact that recently the majority of Dooks voted out prayers before dinner and no obligatory church on Sundays.
She’s mad. She’s spitting mad! So mad that she gathers a group of like minded Dooks, and, squealing bloody vengeance, takes her followers off!
We don’t see her for days, and then one night, all hell breaks loose!
Cora is back and she’s back with heavy weaponry, grenades and flame throwers! Howling about how we are all Satan spawn, she and her cohorts decent upon us like crazed starved boars at a feeding trough!
It’s merciless, they slaughter everyone they see. So sure we are all evil that they don’t even spare the kids.
I know I’m a woman with short brown hair and a blue skirt and I’m not too keen on the goings on so try run off to hide. As I head to the garages a man running in front of me is gunned down in a real hail of bullets. I trip over him as he goes down! The religious loons can’t see well in the dark as the lights are right in their eyes but this doesn’t buy me much time as they’re still happily firing off at random because they, “ like the perdy noise ma!”
As I try to right myself I find myself staring at the rapidly approaching rear end of a blue pick up truck! I scrabble backwards trying to get away from it! Luckily it hits the body and the driver stops. He gets out to check whats going on and ends up being shot as well. I scurry away like a rat on uppers! I fly through the dark offices until eventually I reach a dead end and hide behind a table.
But I can hear them coming. And I can hear them shooting up people and Cora’s big old hog laugh, because to her this is fun! This is righteous cleansing! I haven’t a hope in the world as she gets closer and closer. I know they won’t spare me and that death is a few tick tock, rapid breaths away. And I’m so damn scared of all of it!
So my brain does a leap.
Suddenly I’m a tall, blonde girl, about 18, with watery eyes and a sappy face, and I am living with Cora and her band. Yes, I am a crazy Christian!
The time is the week or so where Cora was missing from the camp. She and her fellow Dooks as well as some added hang ons, of which I seem to be one, have all grouped together in a small, small shack, that seems tons bigger on the inside then the outside (Like in a Harry Potter novel only you don’t say you’ve read one cause then you’re a Satanist!)
They’re loading up on guns and ammo and are getting ready to cleanse the campsite of all the heathens there in. I’m excited and nervous. It’s wonderful to do gods works but I’ve never had a chance to mass murder before, what if I do something embarrassing?
I don’t have to worry, Cora wants someone at home to watch the franks and beans bubbling on the stove in a huge ginormous pot of what smells like death with a bad case of gas. I’m a bit annoyed to be left at home but secretly rather glad. I’m not sure the whole killing spree thing is my style. I’m also wondering if there are any vegetables at all in this shack? No, not even a cabbage.
Finally the night comes and all of Cora and her folk go out, leaving me with two young boys and various pig products to boil. It’s surprisingly restful.
If I listen hard enough I can hear vague shrieks and explosions in the distance. I figure Daft Nammy is using too many grenades again; he always did like the noise makers.
Next morning Cora returns triumphant and covered in blood and gore! She makes a toast on how they killed ever one of them “Satan loving human look alike demons”. The guys with her all yell and stomp their feet and stink!
She draws me aside with one porky hand on my bony shoulder and points proudly to the men with her. She laughs loudly and says that I am lucky I can have any of these stallions of the lord I want to father my children!
Now these guys might weight the same as a stallion but that’s as close as the metaphor can possibly go without blushing and I’m suddenly wondering if the shot up people didn’t get the better of it!
Oh no! We hear sirens and realize the cops are coming!! Cora lets out a “YEEEEHAAW!!!” and joyfully yells to the coppers about how they will never take us alive!! One of the more repulsive guys turns and gives me a wink with his piggy eyes and suddenly I think that what Cora just said was the best news ever!
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